If we could always come back to the place we exist in when our deep recognitions arrive...we would become virtually unshakable- solid as freakin' rocks.
I have been feeling super low energy the last few days, just not my dapper self. Been noticeably short with my dudes, just not very open in my engagements with them, sort of distant. In these times it is often because it is so easy to get swept away by the emotions, and the stories that accompany them in the moment. They (the stories) usually include for me, that the irritations I am feeling are BECAUSE of someone else- usually those monkeys climbing around my house...but, of course it is not their fault. It is mine.
I have not been speaking up for myself and advocating for the time and care I need right now, nor have I been honoring my body's request for it. So here I am sick, tired, moody for a few days, and I finally sit down. I go and find my own quiet space and I write- often the best medicine for my soul. Tomorrow I will re-start my yoga practice, and I will take Guinness for a hike. I will apologize to my monkeys for not communicating better during this time, and asking for the space I needed, but instead letting my stories about them shift my energy to funky- instead of simply resting and nurturing myself; checking in with my feelings and figuring out their orgins.
Now that I have paused, and taken some space for myself, I recognize what is really happening in me emotionally. I am feeling a shift in our house- we are all about to go our own ways for a while, or I suppose have been for a few days now- on new adventures. Aaron's passion is being ignited by coaching- he is inspired, and he steps away from me...he engages his spirit and feeds his passion.
That is all it is- it is not about me- he is not forgetting who he is, he is REMEMBERING. And my discomfort towards him is because I am now adjusting to him shifting away. He has been so engaged with me, and curious and supportive of my journey- he has been giving me LOTS of fabulous attention. Suddenly, it is not there the way it was. He is not as available to me in the ways he was, and I deeply enjoyed and loved his attention.
And, perhaps I am still settling into our beautiful 10 year partnership, finally trusting and knowing at a soulful level, that he will come back soon. He will walk his path for awhile, without me. I know his path is beautiful and perfect, even when I cannot always find myself on it with him. In fact, I know how important it is that we sometimes walk alone.
The discomfort I have felt the last few days, is my own, and now I have paused and acknowledged the different feelings moving through me, so I can let them rest now- release them to go on their way now. I will start, and continue, nurturing myself during this time so I can stay strong, and vital...awake and aware of where we are. I will gently remind myself about how balanced and centered we can be during these times, too.
Keep these moments of recognition close to your heart, hold the wisdom gently, but with diligence. Remember your HOME base, and the good here because when you are home you realize everything- all the moments, the funks, the space and the distance- it's a gift- though it always could have been. This space is full of love, honor, compassion, support, acknowledgment, soulful connection. This is home! And if your home does not feel this way most of the time, or never- it can, I promise.
Been making lots of promises lately- never used to do that, must be feeling really safe- truly living close to home most of the time now. It's no longer about putting things INTO practice- they are my practice! It feels nice--actually, it feels amazing- and wholesome. And so it is!
With deep gratitude and blessings,
Lindsay
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