stories

This cycle started just a week ago, and now it was resolved.  A marked improvement from our past cycles, and the space between them was nearly a year- it was incredible to feel the growth between us.  Each time the ebb of the tide pulled away a little less, just like a pendulum swinging back to its resting space.

I recognized every time that there was something to learn, an opportunity for greater compassion, and deeper, more vulnerable love.  And so I feared the cycles less, and trusted that this moment was only temporary, very temporary.  I moved forward.

Downstairs, I heard the banging, crashes and giggles of young boys being boys in my basement.  It was a sound that reminded me of a truth in life: that we all need and desire different things, and far be it our business to ever try and control each other.  The mother in me leaps out, screaming, "but they are children and they must learn to be respectful, aware of others and the house- more "adult-like"'.  My spirit rushes back into my blood and I realize I should not fear allowing them this space to express themselves authentically, to be wild boys wrestling in the basement.  I shouldn't fear this because they will understand all the lessons we try to 'force' on them simply because I am modeling them.  Because I hold that respectful space for them to meet in, and soon their energy will match mine, and we will meet in love, with desire to work together.  It is the disconnection from each other that causes the challenges to erupt.

The dog pants restlessly on this hot desert summer day, and I look out the window.  I notice how beautiful the sunshine is against my green grass.  The leaves rustle and wave to me, beckoning me to join them in the shady breeze outside.  I smile, and remember some of life's simple wisdom, "Honor yourself in all things you do.  In every choice you make, every embrace you share, in every breath that you breathe, and you will be free.  You will be love."

I was suddenly pulled from my train of thoughts, and the hypnotic dance in my heart that was occurring as I engaged the trees outside.  The clanks in the basement captured my attention again, and the leaves stop waving for a moment.  I felt it was time to play with my boys now.  I stood up to head downstairs.

The leaves begin nodding again, as if to confirm I had made the right choice.  Then, just as I began to head toward the boys, they appeared.  We all were headed in the same direction.  The synchronicity of it all enchanted me, and I understood everything very clearly now.

Moments later, he came home bearing special treats from the store.  The back door opened, and he joined me on the porch with two rum cocktails.  His drink made with dark soda- mine light.  Balance in our home had been restored.  Now to sit quietly as I etch this memory, and the wholeness it brings to my life, in my heart.  We must always remember these moments, they are real- and they are the true fabric of our lives.