You
know, you certainly are not born aware of what you were placed on this
beautiful earth to do. Many of us probably
have some idea of what inspires us and the actions and “jobs” that bring us to
life, but you don’t arrive in this life with a certificate that says, “healer,
teacher, social worker, graphic designer….”
You, of course, are blessed with an abundance of hints along the way,
but our purpose is always ours alone to discover, through a series of
heart-opening, heart expanding occurrences.
Some take your breath divinely away leaving you mesmerized, and others
knock the wind right out of you will all the force in the world it seems. Either way, the messages are waiting in each
of them.
When
I was a child, my mama often called me, “Mother Earth”. She said I was such a nurturing and loving
soul who always was playing somewhere in nature. Trees especially held my attention for long
periods of time. I often found myself
climbing trees, lying in or under them, sometimes even talking with them, and
sharing my heartfelt expressions.
Growing
up in Oklahoma, my Dad spent a lot of time taking me fishing on his weekends,
or we would jump in the car for mini-roadtrips across the state. We always landed somewhere rocky, and
slightly elevated, and so I spent many weekends climbing to the top of
Oklahoma’s “mountains”. I appreciate
that my Dad taught me the value of challenging yourself to reach the top, and
the magnificent view that always awaits you.
Oh,
and the beautiful, aching and rich American Indian energy that coursed through
that state, no doubt shaped my spirit’s deep yearning for a connection rooted
in the natural world. That energy always
coursed through my blood, and without question endures today, though magnified
significantly. As a child nobody teaches
you how to walk unaltered and unashamed of the whispers of your soul, in the
face of the world. And so for many
years, I hid.
My
heart always fearlessly sought a life anchored in service, and even when ‘I’
was not formally open to providing that, it found me. I recall times on the playground in
elementary when fellow students I did not know well would approach and suddenly
just start sharing everything they held in their hearts. People often found me
a safe place to land, and bust the hatch wide open, though interestingly I was
unaware of this gift and service, until things all started coming together for
me just a few years ago, and I began reflecting- searching for those hints I
was given along the way. Many, of
course, I was not yet ready to develop into full blown conclusions about the
direction of my life. Oh, but they were
there- for a long time.
I
recall never fitting in growing up, and so my mask I reached for often was
humor. My depth and perception of life
was often alienating. I could feel so
many peoples’ sadness, and it was all around me. I could feel their joy, too, but the sadness
is what really grabs a hold of you. I
truly loved everybody when I was younger, and carried the pain for so many whom
were mistreated by others.
It was not until around middle school that I
began fighting that part of my nature a bit.
I tried the “cool” girl thing, which always felt mean, cold, and
uncomfortable to me, but hey, you have to fit in, and have friends, right? I hope you are either shaking your head, or
laughing as you recall this ridiculous feeling so many of us were prone to
during that period of our lives, and perhaps some of you still today. I am most grateful I retired that shortly
after graduation from high school, but alas, I still wore a cloak of protection
around my ‘gifts’.
Today,
I look back on my life as a child and teenager and truly wonder, “Who in the
world was I? How did people perceive
me?”, and I wonder this not because I need the answer, but because I recognize
the stark difference between that world and this one. I frequently kid with others and say I feel I
have lived several lifetimes in the last 15 years, and perhaps I have. Perhaps I have.
Yours along the journey,
Lindsay
