This cycle started just a week ago, and now it was resolved. A marked improvement from our past cycles, and the space between them was nearly a year- it was incredible to feel the growth between us. Each time the ebb of the tide pulled away a little less, just like a pendulum swinging back to its resting space.
I recognized every time that there was something to learn, an opportunity for greater compassion, and deeper, more vulnerable love. And so I feared the cycles less, and trusted that this moment was only temporary, very temporary. I moved forward.
Downstairs, I heard the banging, crashes and giggles of young boys being boys in my basement. It was a sound that reminded me of a truth in life: that we all need and desire different things, and far be it our business to ever try and control each other. The mother in me leaps out, screaming, "but they are children and they must learn to be respectful, aware of others and the house- more "adult-like"'. My spirit rushes back into my blood and I realize I should not fear allowing them this space to express themselves authentically, to be wild boys wrestling in the basement. I shouldn't fear this because they will understand all the lessons we try to 'force' on them simply because I am modeling them. Because I hold that respectful space for them to meet in, and soon their energy will match mine, and we will meet in love, with desire to work together. It is the disconnection from each other that causes the challenges to erupt.
The dog pants restlessly on this hot desert summer day, and I look out the window. I notice how beautiful the sunshine is against my green grass. The leaves rustle and wave to me, beckoning me to join them in the shady breeze outside. I smile, and remember some of life's simple wisdom, "Honor yourself in all things you do. In every choice you make, every embrace you share, in every breath that you breathe, and you will be free. You will be love."
I was suddenly pulled from my train of thoughts, and the hypnotic dance in my heart that was occurring as I engaged the trees outside. The clanks in the basement captured my attention again, and the leaves stop waving for a moment. I felt it was time to play with my boys now. I stood up to head downstairs.
The leaves begin nodding again, as if to confirm I had made the right choice. Then, just as I began to head toward the boys, they appeared. We all were headed in the same direction. The synchronicity of it all enchanted me, and I understood everything very clearly now.
Moments later, he came home bearing special treats from the store. The back door opened, and he joined me on the porch with two rum cocktails. His drink made with dark soda- mine light. Balance in our home had been restored. Now to sit quietly as I etch this memory, and the wholeness it brings to my life, in my heart. We must always remember these moments, they are real- and they are the true fabric of our lives.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
REMEMBERING balance...
In the beginning, I convinced myself that I was just working really hard, and it was a good thing- my business was growing efficiently, I was juggling all these balls at once, things were happening- sweet! But on the back side, I realized I was becoming swept away by my own need to create and stimulate myself, push my mission forward, but at an unnatural pace. I went from riding the flow, and answering my spirits call to action- to forcing it, instead of nurturing its growth. I fully realized that left no space in my life energetically for my work and business to manifest. For new things to come into my life.
I had also pushed everything, and everyone I was no longer feeding out of my life. Poof, the balance I've known so well for the past year or so because I have practiced gratitude daily, lived in love, with hope and optimism- nearly gone. The balance I created because I honored boundaries and practiced presence and engagement with an array of aspects in my life- not just one- hung by a fine thread.
I fully accept the ways in which I had allowed myself to get off course. Until today, it had been a few weeks since I was down on the ground playing with my little men. My insomnia ramped back up because I did not make it a point to unplug, my partner and I were spending little time hanging out because I was always "working", and I certainly was not taking care of myself- no hikes, no yoga, random meditations only, my healthy diet was growing less consistent because I was always on the go- in general, I had quit playing with this life.
So now, I have unplugged from that exhausting, unbalanced, robotic existence, and start to create boundaries again. I choose to focus on having clear and healthy boundaries within all aspects of my life. I will make more time to get down with my dudes. I will create time in my life to play. I will spend less time on the computer, and more time with myself- hiking, cooking, dancing, gardening, etc. It is now time for me to shift back.
And the clear lesson I was reminded of this past month, is that life can be so blissful and so beautiful, but you MUST PRACTICE DAILY- the things that make it so- you have to ENGAGE life in the ways you want to see it unfold. You are the CREATOR of your experience here, that is a truth best not denied.
Much love and peace my friends,
Lindsay
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Speaking frankly about partnership...
Every day I learn with more clarity, the art of partnership.
Some lessons learned about PARTNERSHIP:
1.) Be love first always, and when you cannot offer that, step away and be with yourself because there is something within you not being honored that is taking the ability away from you to offer LOVE to your partner. Find your discomfort, identify it, and work to resolve it.
2.) Even when you are hurt, do not offer and return that to the other. Be bigger, bolder, stronger, and bow out. Hold space for them to return to heart-center with you.
3.) Always forgive, unless it is time to forget. Then release them, and move on if you truly deserve better. If you have shifted, honored, and owned, and your partner still holds you hostage, then they are not your partner. Release yourself, be free from that, and move on...then always come back to a space of forgiveness, and once again, release yourself from all pain and disconnection- forgiveness offered to them is really peace offered to yourself. It is noble; and beautifully self-serving in the most nurturing way, too. Fabulous- sign me up! :)
4.) Understand that no matter how humble, engaged, forgiving, generous and loving you are- sometimes you will travel different paths, and respond to beats of a different drum. This truth need not cause turmoil, rather communicate to you that all things are healthy- and remind you that you honor each others private journeys, and must depend FIRST, and foremost, on your connection to self. Keep it strong.
5.) Talk often and always about who you are, what you want, how you feel, what you need, what you dream of- never hesitate to speak your truth, but remember to always come from a heart-centered place. If you truly cannot come from a heart-centered place, ask yourself why, and pause. Pause and acknowledge (aloud if possible) that you have let some part of your foundation become unstable. Step away. Resolve it, then ask again what your heart requires and needs from your partner moving forward...THEN speak. If you lose it before you are able to step away, and have to throw something at them make sure it is not breakable or would hurt them- I prefer a tissue, or piece of junk mail. :) Then apologize, and review the above items again.
6.) If you find yourself alone, and without your partner- enjoy it! Take the time to re-connect with yourself, your independent dreams and goals- cherish your disconnection because it reminds you that on the other side of this incredible partnership, is only you. YOU will never leave, YOU will always be required to rely on, and trust, yourself to lead you in your life. Stay acquainted with YOU. A theme is building here... :)
7.) Fill your partnership with gratitude and awareness, and release expectations of one another to be something different. Embrace all that you are, and can be, but don't draw lines in the sand for each other. Hold space. I can't say that enough- HOLD SPACE. Leave things lovingly at each others "door steps", but don't change the lock secretly and expect that they hold your new key.
8.) Until you learn all of this, and more, of course- know and always remember, you will have hard times, but that does not mean your soulful union is not real. You absolutely know if it is, and if you doubt or question that it ever was, it probably never was. Soulful union is so deep, pure and true that once you have it, life is lighter, you fully embrace yourself- scars and all, and well, you FART in front of each other sometimes, and it's all GOOD. :) And, if you don't pass the occasional gas- either you have a flawless diet, or you are holding something very natural and relieving in, be free together- bust a move! ;)
9.) Laugh as often as you can, and especially at yourself when you become off-balance, disconnected, rude, or otherwise a pain in the ass. Soulful partnership requires an incredible amount of patience, self-responsiblity, vulnerability, humility, and LOVE. Be love.
Soulful partnership is BEAUTIFUL!
Soulful partnership asks, requires actually, the grace and understanding of a free and heart-centered person. It says with the most sincerity and absence of judgment that can be said, "I love and honor you, but sometimes disagree or cannot relate to you". To offer someone, and honor someone, in this kind of spiritual union, means you release yourself from the responsibility that I have come to realize, is only required of the ego. The ego demands resolution, relief from discomfort or responsibility, and it looks to outside forces for those things, or to blame. When you can move into a heart space, you understand the beauty and gravity of discomfort when it arises. You trust your ability to grow and learn from your mistakes. You live in a space virtually free of self doubt, but rather courage and commitment to pursue your best. Seldom do you need to apologize or fumble here, which is brilliant~ the more aligned- the more peaceful and steady, and on target, you behave. What a beautiful thing!
In love, Be love, I am love,
Lindsay
Some lessons learned about PARTNERSHIP:
1.) Be love first always, and when you cannot offer that, step away and be with yourself because there is something within you not being honored that is taking the ability away from you to offer LOVE to your partner. Find your discomfort, identify it, and work to resolve it.
2.) Even when you are hurt, do not offer and return that to the other. Be bigger, bolder, stronger, and bow out. Hold space for them to return to heart-center with you.
3.) Always forgive, unless it is time to forget. Then release them, and move on if you truly deserve better. If you have shifted, honored, and owned, and your partner still holds you hostage, then they are not your partner. Release yourself, be free from that, and move on...then always come back to a space of forgiveness, and once again, release yourself from all pain and disconnection- forgiveness offered to them is really peace offered to yourself. It is noble; and beautifully self-serving in the most nurturing way, too. Fabulous- sign me up! :)
4.) Understand that no matter how humble, engaged, forgiving, generous and loving you are- sometimes you will travel different paths, and respond to beats of a different drum. This truth need not cause turmoil, rather communicate to you that all things are healthy- and remind you that you honor each others private journeys, and must depend FIRST, and foremost, on your connection to self. Keep it strong.
5.) Talk often and always about who you are, what you want, how you feel, what you need, what you dream of- never hesitate to speak your truth, but remember to always come from a heart-centered place. If you truly cannot come from a heart-centered place, ask yourself why, and pause. Pause and acknowledge (aloud if possible) that you have let some part of your foundation become unstable. Step away. Resolve it, then ask again what your heart requires and needs from your partner moving forward...THEN speak. If you lose it before you are able to step away, and have to throw something at them make sure it is not breakable or would hurt them- I prefer a tissue, or piece of junk mail. :) Then apologize, and review the above items again.
6.) If you find yourself alone, and without your partner- enjoy it! Take the time to re-connect with yourself, your independent dreams and goals- cherish your disconnection because it reminds you that on the other side of this incredible partnership, is only you. YOU will never leave, YOU will always be required to rely on, and trust, yourself to lead you in your life. Stay acquainted with YOU. A theme is building here... :)
7.) Fill your partnership with gratitude and awareness, and release expectations of one another to be something different. Embrace all that you are, and can be, but don't draw lines in the sand for each other. Hold space. I can't say that enough- HOLD SPACE. Leave things lovingly at each others "door steps", but don't change the lock secretly and expect that they hold your new key.
8.) Until you learn all of this, and more, of course- know and always remember, you will have hard times, but that does not mean your soulful union is not real. You absolutely know if it is, and if you doubt or question that it ever was, it probably never was. Soulful union is so deep, pure and true that once you have it, life is lighter, you fully embrace yourself- scars and all, and well, you FART in front of each other sometimes, and it's all GOOD. :) And, if you don't pass the occasional gas- either you have a flawless diet, or you are holding something very natural and relieving in, be free together- bust a move! ;)
9.) Laugh as often as you can, and especially at yourself when you become off-balance, disconnected, rude, or otherwise a pain in the ass. Soulful partnership requires an incredible amount of patience, self-responsiblity, vulnerability, humility, and LOVE. Be love.
Soulful partnership is BEAUTIFUL!
Soulful partnership asks, requires actually, the grace and understanding of a free and heart-centered person. It says with the most sincerity and absence of judgment that can be said, "I love and honor you, but sometimes disagree or cannot relate to you". To offer someone, and honor someone, in this kind of spiritual union, means you release yourself from the responsibility that I have come to realize, is only required of the ego. The ego demands resolution, relief from discomfort or responsibility, and it looks to outside forces for those things, or to blame. When you can move into a heart space, you understand the beauty and gravity of discomfort when it arises. You trust your ability to grow and learn from your mistakes. You live in a space virtually free of self doubt, but rather courage and commitment to pursue your best. Seldom do you need to apologize or fumble here, which is brilliant~ the more aligned- the more peaceful and steady, and on target, you behave. What a beautiful thing!
In love, Be love, I am love,
Lindsay
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Our present is simply our past manifested...
I was speaking with a friend tonight- we are both writers, and both soulful and deeply spiritual beings. An ancient journal of mine that recently resurfaced ended up on the table as we talked tonight. As we were flipping through it and I was sharing bits and pieces that were poignantly relevant to our conversation, I came across an entry I wrote in September of 2009 that facilitated the birth of my blog, though I did not realize it at the time. It got me thinking about how things come to fruition.
It truly is our thoughts that create our world, and its guiding vibration. Back in 2009, I was really struggling with a handful of things: depression and old, ill-serving patterns particularly- yet despite the emotional roller coaster ride I traveled frequently, I believed and thought that life was something far greater, richer, and more engaging than the experiences and emotions I was being swept away by all too often; and so, over time, I found my way back to that reality.
The thoughts created the strength and space in me required to confront and heal the wounded places in my soul and psyche, so that I could be restored, integrated and re-emerge in this life- a new woman- humbled, alive, fearless, grateful, engaged, weightless, free- full of love and light.
For you Cai- the journal entry that inspired this blog: Subway Lights
9/13/09
The sounds of my life-
I wish I could record them for you- to hold in your heart.
I watch Cooper James & Bman chase each other around the house-
a laugh extending from Cooper that is deep & full.
A rainbow of emotions flit through my body-
like lights flashing through the night windows on a subway.
It is funny how out of touch I can sometimes get with my feelings.
The rhythmic pulsing, the shift in note-
hard to trust,
get comfortable with.
The space in my breath decreases,
constricted by the night without stars, or even the moon.
I must find my light again,
reach out for the sun...
FILL me up...
it will- until it burst from my fingertips.
Find that vibration expelling goodness,
find its rhythmic pulse.
Don't lose that note.
Breathing now...
Deep,
FULL...
breathing now.
I find my beat again- I remember.
I am on my way back.
LOVE!
May your own recognitions of the light and darkness, and the full spectrum we will travel at different moments throughout our lifetime, allow you to remain grounded and strong, authentic and raw despite whatever challenge life honors you with. You are never alone in your journey- we have all been asked to rise from the ashes.
Peace be,
Lindsay
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