As we each learn our lessons in life, and gather the unique navigational tools that continue to guide our journeys, there comes a steady whisper from within that is always seeking balance through the creation of boundaries.
The word 'boundaries' is expansive; as you read the word, you are no doubt thrust into a number of situations, and interpretations of it. So what exactly does it mean to seek balance through boundaries?
Let's quickly acknowledge the function of our minds on any given day. Daily, we have the potential to carry the energy of thousands of thoughts and feelings around with us. Our minds are constantly firing- absorbing information- smells, sounds, noises, images and more, while translating, coding, and storing these sensory explorations as memories in our brain. In other words, we have absolutely no shortage of information we can indulge in from moment to moment, and carry around with us from one situation to the next. If boundaries are not established in our daily routines, our minds can quickly become very chaotic and overwhelmed. Unfortunately, when the mind experiences these feelings it simultaneously encourages them by putting itself into overdrive to manage all the stimulation, and subsequently, drowns out the soft, guiding whispers of our hearts. The mind can rapidly create a reality that gives much of our energetic power away to others and situations out of our control, and often unimportant.
In our lives, boundaries create the clear channels through which we travel from one moment to another- one experience to the next. Without them we have no rest. When we have no awareness of our boundaries, and do not set intentions regarding them, there is quickly no stillness or space for clarity and focus to truly emerge from within.
So, just how are boundaries created?
Boundaries are created in large part, by practicing presence.
Experiencing balance in our lives, simply put, means living in harmony with our present experience- being mindful, not mind full.
By recognizing and taking ownership for creating boundaries that will allow us to be fully immersed in every way possible in each experience, we allow for full, honest expression of how we are feeling in the moment. We give ourselves permission to know what our complete experience truly is. There is no repression, denial, or dissociation- just an embracing, often followed by release.
Practicing presence provides space for clarity and peace to flow through anything we encounter, and it keeps us from getting snagged on troublesome objects along the way. This statement is in no way meant to imply that presence grants us immunity from further moments of hardship and suffering because these will, of course, always be a part of our lives; rather this statement reminds us that creating boundaries is one of the keys to freedom and fluidity despite these experiences.
Let me provide an example from my personal experience. This March, my beloved dog Mo, died. She was so incredibly special to me. Ours was one of those relationships that few words can be found to express the depth of our connection, nor the gratitude I have for her friendship in my life. She was my first baby, and a mama to my boys, but certainly not "just a dog". I love telling people our story, and while that is not what I will do here, I hope you now have some small sense of the profound grief I tell you now, I experienced when her journey in this life came to a close back in March.
About an hour after we had let her go, there was a brief moment when I found myself tense up while crying. My body became very stiff, my stomach clinched, and I noticed myself thinking, "Enough. She is gone. Breathe, and get a hold of yourself. Move on- quit crying." Gratefully, I was instantly aware of why I was thinking that, and it was so incredible because in that same short moment I told myself, "No. Not enough. Thank you for trying to protect me mind, but this is what I am meant to feel. This is my expression of our love and friendship. Let go. Be here with this pain- acknowledge it, honor it, and allow it to move through you."
I had full recognition that my mind had jumped in to protect 'me' from this pain. My mind had wanted to rescue me by whisking me away from my deep sadness for a moment and the discomfort of her loss. But I did not need to go away, I needed to be very present. In that moment, I remember consciously committing to myself that I would open my heart to EVERY feeling, thought, tear, or expression of my experience that needed to come through, and I would do so by allowing my feelings to emerge as organically as possible.
I then cried for nearly three days straight, and that is no exaggeration. I held each emotion and memory as it came, and felt it move through me in just the way it needed to. I surrendered, and let go, and in not resisting- I found release. Lots of it- deep, healing release. I remember waking myself up one night with a wet pillow, and curling into the fetal position to continue my cry, fully awake now. It was raw, authentic presence- fully embraced.
On the fourth day, I popped out of bed and felt light as a feather- literally. I was joyful, and no longer felt "sad", rather was overwhelmed by deep gratitude for my time with Mo. I remembered my favorite things about her and smiled, or laughed- the tears were cleared out for the moment. It was close to bliss as strange as it may sound. On the other side of being fully present with my pain, I was still and strong, open and clear. I had practiced presence, and in that, found freedom and peace. It looked ugly and painful from the outside, and felt agonizing as the energy left my body, but I was free, always free.
Just as the earth offers shade and space for the roots of a tree to grow, it simultaneously creates the boundary between dark and light, and ushers the blossoming of the branches above its surface. That boundary is critical in ensuring the life of that tree, and in supporting the roles of the various systems within that organism. My hope is that you now see how truly important it is for each of us to master this art.
Moving forward, I encourage you to be aware of your engagement from moment to moment, and where you direct your thoughts. No resolution is ever born by directing your eyes on moments not yet shaped by time, nor those that have already left a mark. Practice presence as often and completely as you can- especially when it brings pain and hardship for these are the moments that encourage rest and reflection, and can soon usher light into your darkness. Boundaries (created in large part through the practice of presence) are one of your greatest tools in this life; learn to use them wisely and you will soon be free.
Much love and peace on your journey,
Lindsay
