Camera One, Camera Two...Camera New

My dear cousin Anna, reminded me last night that I have been neglecting this outlet in my life.  As I sit here on this snowy New Year's Eve, the sun searching for a break in the cloud covered sky to say hello...I think about perspectives and the meaning of a new year.  While I am not much for New Year's Resolutions, I am certainly one who looks forward to a fresh calendar ready to be filled with new adventures and discoveries...the next chapter of my journey.  Anna, you are so right that life is sometimes wrought with ambiguity and/or moments of great clarity, but it is the time in between that we live our lives and mold us into who we are.
 
This has been a year of recognition, as I suppose every year is in its own right, but this year seems more significant than others.  One full of larger recognitions about my reality and relationship to my daily routines.  The last several weeks have been spent with a pen and my journal, sorting through my thoughts and the directions they take me in any given day.  I am focusing on reminding myself of the importance of sitting with my discomfort and unanswered questions...and appreciating the process of moving through these moments in my life.  I spend a lot of time sorting through things in my head, searching for resolution to the things that make my heart swirl, but sometimes there are no easy answers or conclusions available and I hope to learn to view these periods as a time of rest and reflection, as opposed to discomfort that must be immediately resolved. Life is full of mystery...the unknown.  Not a damn thing we can do to change this truth.

My experiences in life leading up to this moment share the wisdom of this beautiful cyclical process in life-the fluid movement through space and time allowing me to grow from this discomfort I am experiencing and have experienced before, and not to forget...joy alike.  I must trust this cycle.  I think human nature is flawed as our compulsion seems to be pursuit of a place in the world where life is always good.  Acknowledging that this is not so, and never will be seems more helpful than harmful to me.  It does not mean that I neglect my blessings, or deny myself happiness as it creeps into my periods of struggle, but it does mean accepting that this is life.  A collage of darkness and light and all the colors in between. 

I feel myself growing stronger and healthier all the time, and instead of celebrating this process I keep finding myself with my eyes on moments not yet shaped by time.  I know the power of existing in the present moment and finding peace where I am.  I also know the dangers of leaving this moment and jumping ahead...(while I believe in the importance of dreams and goals in life)...looking forward with expectations of certain outcomes presents many hiccups in my relationship with this life.  I want to avoid hiccups, and so I will continue to strengthen my practice of being present--gently acknowledging the concerns and uncertainty that sweep through me daily, but allowing them to remain fluid and continue on...making room for more healthy thoughts to occupy my mind.

 I am including some of my favorite photos from 2010.  A collage of some of our family's moments; a collection of my blessings this past year.  Despite some hardship, it was a good year full of love, laughter and adventure!  My hope for 2011 is to find my heart open and understanding of the direction my life will take me and the wonder it has to offer.

I am sitting on the top bunk next to my fabulous boys playing with each other...demonstrating the simplicity and joy of existing in each moment.  They sure make me smile, and so I think I will close here and spend a little time re-connecting with my inner child. ;)

Reveal what you hold for me life; I welcome it!  I trust this process...

Happy New Year to you all!  May 2011 bring an abundance of health, happiness and growth!

Peace, love, light and gratitude

L.